just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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