i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
