I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I don't think brook has ever known best
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
