and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
