I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
