last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
