called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
