I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
