She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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