i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize