I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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