I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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