i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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