69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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