I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
