So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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