oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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