i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
