Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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