During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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