i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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