singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
