i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
