hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
