just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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