Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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