you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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