The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
