I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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