Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
