so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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