I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
