I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
