Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
