I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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