Do you still have your period?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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