They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
