Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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