i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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