I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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