I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
