my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
