please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
