did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
