so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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