So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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