He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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