theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
