Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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