my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
