I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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