I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize