would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
