Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
