Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
