Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
