Your tits are I can't wait for
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
