More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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