U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
