I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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