so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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