Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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