My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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