I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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