Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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