Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
