6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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